It is midnight. I am awake, sitting on the bench that used to occupy two, feeling the roughness of the space with my palms, staring into the night. I unconsciously try to make a shape out of the not so visible trees. The cold seep into my bones. You dwell on my mind, deep. Memories.

How did we get to this? How inseparable we used to be, standing beside each other against the whole world, exploring every nitty-gritty of our bodies. The sweet rapport we had, the pleasurable pain, I find not. I find myself wanting and not wanting them at once.

What happened to our very happy moments? Our memories. The times you fed me. The times in the bathroom you waited for me to lather my face just so you could carry my bucket of bathing water away? You would scold me like a hot-tempered dad, the next minute, you are crawling into my breasts like a husband in need. Teach me as well, to no longer remember these memories just as you thought me to pray and fast.

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You no longer travel miles just to see me. No word from you. Still in the same city, but we are worlds apart. My name has left your lips, my words, your heart. Or was it just one-sided?

I know you don’t do the same, but I remember you when I feel cold, when I’m hungry, when I’m sad, when I smile,  when I eat, even on my visits to the toilet. My heart has no moment of rest. The same void you filled to the brim, you are emptying, leaving it to nothingness.

Could it be you have amnesia and my memories are no longer with you? Not. What we shared was so strong you would still feel the void. Busy? How much of it could you be that you no longer see my name on your contacts; that you can’t spare a moment to call me back?

Out of the blue, let go off the hand you claimed you wanted no one else to hold. I wish you won’t let another wipe these tears. I wish you won’t let another hold these cold hands of mine. I wish you won’t let another make me smile. I wish you won’t let another fill this vacuum.

The fake broad smiles on my lips are as wide as the hole in my heart. These things I think of every day, and when I finally stop, it will be I have forgotten too and no space will be left for you.

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